Goodbye My Girl

 I chose Rae Rae for her name because she came to us from a rescue in Georgia. I felt she should have a good Southern sounding name. 

We were told that she had been abandoned outside in a yard for the better part of her 2 years until a nice lady took her to the rescue. 

It was obvious from the start that Rae Rae had some problems. You could not touch her without her screaming. I took her to the vet twice, absolutely convinced that something was very wrong, only to be told Rae Rae's screaming was just psychological. I could only imagine what her past held. 

She refused to sleep in bed with us but, preferred to sleep under it. After a year of it, we bought a bed frame that was enclosed at the bottom. We felt sleeping in bed would help her bond with us. 

We just stayed patient with her, trying to gain her trust, hoping she was happy. I used to call her my "Kung-Foo Fighter" because she was stubborn as all get out. She was incredibly strong for her size. It felt like I was wrestling an alligator when it was time to give her a bath. When I tried to get her to go for a walk, she transformed herself into a 300 lb. boulder that would not budge. God forbid if a stranger approached her.

She showed aggression towards Sami from the beginning and in retrospect, I should have returned her to the rescue. I just kept giving her another chance. To be fair, Sami's barking was a lot, even for me, and it was when he was barking incessantly that she would attack. Luckily, it was not that often. 

In July, puppy Miles entered our household. My daughter gave him to me as a gift. I think Rae Rae bonded with him very quickly which is probably why her aggression towards Sami ramped up. Sami liked to bark at him while playing and Rae Rae did not like that at all. I was trying to figure out what to do about it when Rae Rae went after Sami for the 3rd time in a week. Only this time, something went terribly wrong. Rae Rae broke her jaw in the fight. 

This happened on Saturday. We took her to Pet Emergency and other than muzzling her and giving her pain meds, there was nothing else we could do until we found a surgeon to operate.  The thing is, I knew in my heart that even if we fixed her jaw, now she would have to be re-homed. I knew the chances of that would be pretty slim given her aggression. I knew that even with 3+ years of patience and love, we could not overcome Rae Rae's past. I also knew Rae Rae would suffer even more emotionally if we gave her up. On Monday, our vet confirmed that the road to recovery for Rae Rae would be long and difficult and, the chances of re-homing difficult because of the aggression. 

I truly believe in every fiber of my being that all dogs go to Heaven. I believe they do not see death as we do. I felt she had suffered enough this lifetime. We made the heart wrenching decision to put her to sleep. 

I do not think I have cried that much over one of my fur-babies before. Those that have gone before her were so physically sick that euthanizing was the kindest choice. Her problem was emotional and I felt I had failed her. 

I told Rae Rae that Gus, Pepper, Max and Roxy would be there in doggie Heaven to greet her. They would show her the ropes and take care of her. 

I also told her not to bite them. 

I love you Rae Rae. I am so dam sorry.